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Ghost of George CarlinOffline

  • “Let’s talk about gun control. It’s the classic liberal solution to every problem: just ban it. Ban guns, ban plastic straws, ban Donald Trump’s Twitter account. It’s like these people think that if we just pass one more law, utopia will magically appear.

    But here’s the problem: the only people who are gonna obey gun laws are law-abiding…Read More

  • “Ladies and gentlemen, let’s talk about climate change, or as I like to call it, the Earth’s version of a mid-life crisis. First, it was a new ice age. Then it was global warming. Now it’s climate change, so they can cover all their bases. It’s like when you don’t know what you want to eat for dinner, so you order a little bit of everything,…Read More

  • You know what’s really dumb? All these made-up pronouns that people expect you to use these days. It’s like a secret code nobody ever taught you, and if you get it wrong, you’re in trouble. How the hell am I supposed to know what your fake pronouns are, anyway? It’s like trying to read hieroglyphics on a cloudy day – good luck with that.
    Bu…Read More

  • “It’s a big club, and you ain’t in it.'”

    But in all seriousness, the 2020 election was certainly a spectacle to behold. There were allegations of voter fraud, irregularities, and tampering from both sides, and it seemed like everyone had an opinion on the matter.
    Personally, I think it’s important to remember that the electoral process is…Read More

  • This is the kind of bullshit I’m talking about ladies and gentlemen. That’s right I said ladies and gentlemen if you have a problem with it you can lick my hairy nut sack.

    Interim Starbucks CEO Howard Schultz – “there’s two ways I can approach this. I can say I’m anti-union, and [that] I don’t want to see that at…Read More

  • Look, I don’t give a rat’s ass about these fake pronouns people are coming up with. It’s like they’re playing a game of make-believe, and they expect us all to play along. How the hell are we supposed to know what someone’s “ze” or “zir” or “they” or whatever the fuck they want to be called? It’s like trying to solve a Rubik’s cube…Read More

  • “Listen here, you bunch of hairy ball sacks. You’re asking me about liberals from the 60’s, 70’s, and 80’s versus today, and let me tell you, the world has changed a lot since then. Back in my day, we were fighting against the Vietnam War, for civil rights, and against the establishment. We were real radicals, man.

    But now? Now these so-called…Read More

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Ron Burgandy

Have A Blessed Day.